The Bittersweet Audit of 2025
2025 just finished. Like most people on this planet, I sat down to review my New Year’s resolutions and everything I achieved this year. And honestly? It’s not bad. I did things. I moved. I tried.
But there’s still that strange aftertaste.
That bittersweet feeling of knowing I could have done more.
Not because I failed, but because I didn’t fully show up in some areas.
Let me give you a very clear example: Chinese.
After two and a half years in China, I still can’t speak more than the basics. And now that I’ve moved back home, that realization hits harder. Five more minutes a day. One more attempt to talk to someone on the street. One more uncomfortable conversation. I could have done that.
At the time, though, it felt impossible. Whenever I tried to speak, they didn’t understand me, and I didn’t understand them either. It was frustrating, embarrassing, and honestly exhausting. So I stopped trying as much as I should have.
And yes, part of me still thinks: I could have tried harder.
That thought opened the door to bigger questions I’ve been quietly avoiding:
Do I really try hard enough for the things I like?
Or do I sometimes hide behind excuses when things get uncomfortable?
Are there things I haven’t achieved not because I’m incapable, but because I didn’t persist long enough?
Even moving back home made me wonder:
Did I leave because I had to… or because I got tired?
I did try. I know that.
But maybe I could have try a bit harder.
Persistence, Passion, and Bureaucratic Hell
That’s when I made my first resolution for 2026:
Don’t give up on the things I truly want.
Looking back, I can clearly see that some projects failed simply because I wasn’t passionate about them. And when they stalled, I didn’t fight to keep them alive. Not because I’m lazy — but because motivation matters more than discipline when things get hard.
I’m not an easy person. Things rarely go smoothly for me, even when they seem effortless for others.
Perfect example: Interactive Brokers.
I’ve been trying to open an account for four months. FOUR.
They’ve rejected every single document I’ve submitted. I go online and see other Latinos opening accounts like it’s “easy peasy lemon squeezy.” Me? I’ve been in a bureaucratic boxing match for months.
Am I still trying?
Yes.
Am I annoyed?
Absolutely.
But I won’t give up. I want those NVIDIA stocks, and I’ll get them eventually.
Because persistence, apparently, is also tested through customer service emails and rejected PDFs.
Searching for the Thing Worth Losing Sleep Over
What I’m really craving isn’t just success, it’s passion.
The kind of passion that makes you forget to sleep. The kind I had during my university years, pulling all-nighters for projects I genuinely loved. I miss that version of myself.
Here comes my K-pop side, sorry not sorry.
When I first got into groups like BTS, it wasn’t even about the music. It was about watching the process. Seeing them build something step by step, through discipline, repetition, and belief. They weren’t magically talented because the universe chose them. They practiced. Over and over again.
Nobody is born exceptional.
You become exceptional by choosing something and committing to it.
And I think that’s where my struggle really is. I’m still figuring out what I want to commit to long-term. Last year was about experimenting, trying, researching, testing different paths. And that’s okay.
This year feels different.
2026 is about developing.
About taking what I explored and turning it into something real. Something sustainable. Something mine.
So if you’re reading this, root for me.
Because I promise I’ll be rooting for you too.
You and I? We have this year.
Let’s just keep moving forward.
Suga from BTS once said he didn’t have a dream, and that never stopped him from moving ahead. I think about that almost every day.
Maybe not knowing exactly where you’re going isn’t failure.
Maybe it’s just part of the process.
The important thing here is to not end up with the bittersweetness of “I could have done more” this year.
